T-Pain is the perfect example of “Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should…”

I was indulging in one of my daily guilty pleasures, browsing my girl Necole Bitchie’s website, and saw this foolywaggery. My first reaction was hearing Uncle Ruckus from The Boondocks saying “That’s some mighty powerful niggatry”. I didn’t get offended, I just thought he looked like a clown. Other folks, well, the chain got them a lil’ pissed. So people started going in on T-Pain via Twitter after seeing these flicks. And T-Pain felt the need to reply. Here’s what he said:

..Let’s celebrate the fact a black man can have things like this and still care for 3 kids and wife in a $6 million house with 32 cars. Oldest child 5 and already got 4 million in her own account. I don’t do dumb sh*t like this till I know the fams good. so don’t judge me from what I buy. Judge me from what I do. Cuz it’s so many artists that put themself before their family.

I never dog celebrities on my blog, because I’m not a gossip/celebrity blogger (but hell maybe I’ll start because it’s really too easy.) I’m an author and DJ and this site is about me, me, ME! But…er…um, I feel the need to go in a little today, mostly because T-Pain aggravates me/scares me with all the circus gear. (Remember the BET Awards when he was rocking that horrible silver and black paisley nightmare with the top hat and did that weird walk to the stage? So creepy & gross.) And because he looks a little dirty, and like he smells like outside, chicken grease and weed, which really bothers me. I’m sure T-Pain smells like cologne or clean (I hope!), but he certainly doesn’t look like he does. So here goes my two cents:

T-Pain, why the hell am I gonna “celebrate” you wasting 410K, whether you are black, white, purple or red? You spending your money on some ugly shit isn’t a cause for my “celebration.” Nigga, I don’t give a fuck! (Now I don’t like saying that word, but dude, you’s a nigga!) But since you want to play the race card Pain, why the fuck especially am I going to celebrate you taking care of your white wife? You went there? Defending yourself and asking for support from Black women (amongst others), that was the best you could come up with? Be happy for the Black man? For reals? LMAO! The only thing I am going to celebrate about your wife is that she is white, because seriously, if any of my Black or Latina sista friends came home with this jigaboo, no matter rich you are, I would shit two times and die. Then I’d revive myself and search for the meth/crack pipe they were smoking and send their ass to rehab. Can we say Intervention?

Frankly I don’t care about your 32 cars or whatever else you have or how much you spent. I’m not a hater, good for you dude, I just don’t care because you aren’t spending any of it on me. I’m self-centered like that. Buy me a whip and break me off some bread I will sing your praises for years to come. But until then maybe you shouldn’t be so braggadocios about your success because a) it’s boring and been done so many times, and b) you’re already ugly, why make yourself look more unattractive? Plus, its gonna be a motherfucker pawning that big ass coon chain when your shit stops selling because “the people” decide that Autotune is the devil and that the devil is a liar. And they will T-Pain. Oh you think they won’t? One word. Okay, a couple words: Roger Troutman & ZAPP. If it weren’t for hip-hop sampling his music, he would have been long forgotten as a novelty.

You wanna sound like a real baller Pain? Don’t say shit. Just say, yeah I bought it, and leave it at that. Trump doesn’t explain why he buys shit. Bill Gates & Steve Jobs don’t either. Even though, thankfully, as far as we know they don’t buy ocular pollutants like your ugly ass chain. 

Or better yet, humble up dude. Don’t be telling people (yes, I know that is grammatically incorrect people) how much you have. Haven’t you learned by now that your industry revolves around one process: build up, then tear down? Think it won’t happen to you Pain? One word: Hammer. Oh he was too legit to quit. He had pumps and a bump. He could get it started and you couldn’t touch him. And what did black folks do? Destroy his name and career by calling him a sell-out for doing exactly what every rapper today is doing. Expanding beyond what he was expected to do. Oh, it can happen to you T-Pain. You know how we can be. Crabs in a barrell.

And while you doing all that yapping about what you got because you feel the need to defend your niggatry, you better hope your accountant is doing your taxes properly. Three more words for you Pain: Sammy. Davis. Jr. Or how about these? Internal Revenue Service. 

My point is, just do you Pain. I know I’m “poor” and you’re rich. I’m a humble writer of fiction and you’re a “rap star”? You might even say “Well, Meta, you’re ugly too” ,though you’d be a blind, bold-face lie), so you probably don’t care what the fuck I think. Exactly. Don’t give a fuck Pain, but really don’t give a fuck, because by explaining, you’re showing that you actually do give a fuck. And you can’t please all the people all the time, unless you stop recording. Or at least stop recording using AutoTunes. I’m just saying…

I will give you props for one thing though, at least you know your chain is “dumb shit”.

So I decided to do a new segment here on the blog called “Ask a Dude”. Too many times women ask each other questions about men, answer them and in the end, everyone is still clueless! As for me, I’m a guy’s girl. Most of my friends are guys, and if I have a man problem or question, I’m asking them, cuz my girls won’t have the answer. (Sorry ladies, but we don’t understand how their minds work…they do!) So here’s my first question. It’s random as hell. Answer in the comments section…

Do guys really care if a woman shaves her legs or not? Talk amongst yourselves…

I woke up this morning feeling a little down. It kinda carried over from yesterday. Ever just felt weird? 

Anyway, this provided the laugh I needed. I need “Quween on the Scene” to come and work for me. As a matter of fact, when I go to LA, I want Quween to be my media escort. Maybe I’ll end up getting some free press on TMZ!

Aww snap! Another novela is coming to Telemundo. Ninos Ricos, Pobres Padres (Rich Kids, Poor Parents) is set to take the summer by storm. You didn’t think that Latin America was gonna let white folks have all the fun did you? Oh hell no! Gossip Girl and 90210 are so vanilla. This looks like it’s gonna have some spice! At least, I hope so. A part of me is thinking this is gonna be kinda white-washed. Too bad there aren’t any Afro-Latinos in the mix! Grrrr. But North America is a bit further along in the whole racial equality thing than South America. Hopefully that will change.

Anyway, maybe you do and maybe you don’t know, but I LOVE novelas. (Yes, I understand them, LOL). I was watching Sin Senos No Hay Paraiso, but they jacked it up and made the plot all boring and dragged out! I plan on reading the book that soap was based on, Sin Tetas No Hay Paraiso this summer; I heard it was raw! This is actually a remake of an older show, and it’ll be interesting to see how they make it more modern. It looks pretty high-budget for a novela, I’ll say that much. Can’t wait, amigos!

Just curious…which of my books do you like the best? Or if you’ve never read one, or you’re an illiterate ignoramus, there are voting options for you as well! LOL

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While I was in Atlanta I got to check out my boy’s Chaka and Jamal’s party at Uptown, Uptown Saturday Night. That’s where we headed after we left the W. We had a blast! Many thanks to Jamal (who will always be Mr. Freshman to me) for the love he showed. So after a couple Patron shots, us girls continued to get it in. The DJ snapped during the last hour, playing all the old school house classics I love. Y’all know I loooooove house music!

While there we ran into super-producer Jazzy Pha (Jazzy Fizzle Producshizzles) who is an absolute angel. I swear he is just a great big teddy bear. Everyone who knows me knows that I like my men BIG. Super tall, kinda fat, preferably both. LOL. It’s just more cushion for the pushin’. Haha, yes, I know that I am weird. I couldn’t stop hugging and cuddling Jazzy (blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol!). Sorry dude, but you shouldn’t be so damned cuddly. Haha.

I still wanted to kick it after Uptown closed, I was all set to head to Magic City, but I was informed they close earlier now. Boooooo! But it was a great evening nonetheless. Peep the pics below…

Have you ever been to Wal-Mart, saw a cheap CD and bought it, only to pop it in the CD player to go “WTF?! This thing has been edited like crazy!” Well I have. I wasn’t exactly upset, because it was an Amy Winehouse CD and there wasn’t much to edit. But I would have preferred to hear her say “fuckery” as it is one of my favorite words rather than the blank space I got in its place.

Well, Green Day ain’t having it.  They told Walmart no thanks to selling a censored version on their latest album “21st Century Breakdown”, which has already sold 215,000 copies since Friday. Those numbers are nothing to laugh at in this market, because let’s face it, Chrisette Michelle’s “Epiphany” went #1 only selling 83,000 copies which happens to be the lowest number 1 in Soundscan history. Greenday’s “Dookie” sold over 10 million copies back in the 90s, and who knows if they’ll find that kind of success again, but they can financially afford to take a stand now. Other artists can’t. Or maybe they won’t. Hell, it’s a recession and folks can’t afford to turn down checks. Well folks that aren’t Green Day can’t. You damn sure aren’t going to see rappers passing up that money. They’ll just clean up the music, cash the check and keep it moving. Is that being a sell-out? Hmm. Will the hip-hop community, which was such a vital part of the battles against censorship in the 90s, join Greenday in the fight against big Wally? Time will Tell.

Per Greenday frontman Billie Joe Armstrong:

“If you think about bands that are struggling or smaller than Green Day … to think that to get your record out in places like that, but they won’t carry it because of the content and you have to censor yourself,” he said. “I mean, what does that say to a young kid who’s trying to speak his mind making a record for the first time? It’s like a game that you have to play. You have to refuse to play it.”

Some of you are asking why the hell is Meta talking about Greenday? Well dammit, I happen to like Greenday. My son LOVES Greenday. And this is music news. And news about expression. You should be asking yourself why you aren’t talking about Greenday. You’ve obviously never walked the boulevard of broken dreams like yours truly. Okay, maybe I couldn’t really think of much else to say at the moment. I’m trying to line up my Memorial Day since it looks like I am in town.

Aren’t these boots the cutest? For $395 they can be yours. Cheap for a pair of Jimmy Choos, but expensive for a pair of rubber, yes rubber boots.

Hunter Collaboration

Jimmy Choo has partnered with Hunter in a unique collaboration to produce the most luxurious Wellington Boots.

Inspired by stylish festival goers these limited edition boots bring together the style and sophistication of Jimmy Choo with the durability and tradition of Hunter.

The legendary Hunter silhouette has been embossed with signature Jimmy Choo crocodile print. The leopard print lining, gold buckle hardware and metal rivets provide a contrast against the black glossy rubber of the boot. Presented in the original black Hunter box lined with leopard print, the boots have a unique identification plate, uniting the logos of these two iconic British brands. The boots will be sold exclusively in Jimmy Choo boutiques in the United Kingdom and the United States and online at www.jimmychoo.com from June 2009.

For all you ballers who plan on copping them: Please email the following address if you wish to be contacted when the boots are in stock- purchaseenquiry@jimmychoo.com.

Saturday night the girls (Angela, Tang) and I went to The W Midtown. The crowds in Atlanta were a little thin because of the weather. It rained of course. But we had a great time. We got our sophisticated cocktail game on with a round of Strawberry Mojitos and a round of Blueberry Martinis. The great thing about The W is that they use plenty of fresh fruit so our drinks had fresh strawberries and blueberries in them.

After two rounds Angela dropped out on us, but she was driving. Tang & I moved up to La Vie En Rose (French for “life in pink”). Basically, it’s Piper Champagne with cranberry juice, giving it a flirty pink color. Sooooo good. And at $20 a pop, it better had been!

While we were at the W we met two super nice guys, Conrad and I’m sorry but I forgot his friend’s name. We realized we had common interests. I’m not gonna put it on blast, but figure it out, in Atlanta men & women are often looking at the same things. LOL. We drank and served up the “tea” (get it?) and talked about how gorgeous everyone who works at the W is. The bouncer Kunle, who can be seen in a photo below, was too cute. I considered acting up so he could put me out personally. hee-hee. But I was a good girl. Yes, in every way. 

It was a good time. And it was just the beginning of the night…