Don’t Call Me a Cougar
I hate the word “cougar.” I don’t think it’s cute or endearing; I find it offensive. I believe that it objectifies women, making them seem dangerous and predatory when all they’ve really done is decided to turn the tables and do what men have been doing since the dawn of time: date younger people. We call men who date younger women “sugar daddies” at the worst, and that name sounds like a fun time filled with candy, but for the most part …
Wait For Love
For some reason people think that love is easier for good-looking people, or rich people, or white people, or men. And as a single, black, 30-something, successful woman, everywhere I turn someone is telling me how hard it is for me to find love. Well, I’ve decided that Steve Harvey and Sherri Shepard and Nightline and MSNBC can all kiss me where the sun don’t shine. Because I’ve come to learn that finding love is difficult for most people. It …
Submission Made Simple
This week’s column is for my girls. I’ve got a secret for you that’s going to make your love life a lot easier. Submit. That’s all. Just submit. I’m not turning against the sisterhood, and I’m not saying that by submitting you’re not going to have any problems at all. But trust me, if you give a man what he wants, it makes working through those problems less rocky. I know some of you are asking, “What about what I want? Why should …
Revenge of the Jump Off
Men (and women), please take heed to this very important warning: Jump-offs can not be trusted. I’ll say it again. Jump-offs can not and should not be trusted. You can live in denial if you want to, but never say that Auntie Meta didn’t warn you. One day, maybe not today but someday, that side piece you thought was none the wiser is going to find out you’re booed up or married and she or he is not going to be …
Sexting-vs-Sexing
Sexting -vs- Sexing The opportunity for those of us who want to know hip-hop star Trina intimately has arisen as nude pictures of the raunchy rapper floated through cyberspace this week. Trina claims that her cell phone was stolen and that she’s being blackmailed to pay for the safe return of her celly, or have even more pictures distributed to the seemingly endless number of gossip bloggers on the Web. Now, the self-proclaimed “Baddest Bitch” is making the rounds on various media …
Do You Believe In Life After Love?
Today didn’t start off as a good day. I’m dealing with my own personal love drama just days after an unexpectedly wonderful and perfect Valentine’s Day. To say the least, I am a bit flustered. I tried to shake it off; after all, I’m supposed to be the chick with the answers. So, I planned on working out and clearing my mind with a nice 3-mile run, but even the Black Eyed Peas couldn’t get me motivated. I scrapped that …
A Valentine’s Day Survival Guide
Valentine’s Day. There, I said it. Look, I’m not one of those women who looks forward to that day. It isn’t that I’m bitter or anything. Its just that in my 30-plus years I’ve given that one day enough of my effort, from hoping I’d get a Valentine from a classmate I had a crush on to hoping a man would propose. I’ve only had a few that would qualify as special, unless you count breaking up, getting stood up, …
A Letter to My Sisters
A Letter to My Sisters Dear Sisters, Hey girls! I don’t want us to get off on the wrong foot, so I had to come to you, woman to woman, and tell you a few things that you really need to know. To my sisters of other colors (and my brothers) I’m not ignoring you. I’d never do that. I just felt that before we went any further talking about sex and love that it was best that I get …
The label “sexy” has been placed on me, since before it really appropriate to consider a young woman sexy. It used to bother me, even though it was usually meant as a compliment. It bothered me because when someone called me sexy they were referring to my face or my body. While those things were and are very nice, especially as my age creeps higher and higher, I’ve always wanted to be seen as more than just the sum of my genetics, body parts and fashion. Don’t we all? I for one have always felt it was grossly unfair that women often have to choose being viewed as sexy or being viewed as smart. We can be BOTH without having to sacrafice either.
People call my books sexy or even dirty, when truth be told, sex is the last thing that motivates my plots. What motivates my plots and what motivates me is the why and how of things. I love mysteries. I’m fascinated with the inner workings of the human mind, and of society. I probably should have double majored in psychology!
This curiosity has led me to research books, movies, the arts, popular culture and has led me to have lots of in-depth conversations on a variety of topics with people from every walk of life imaginable. And aside from money, sex, love and relationships are the most debated, controversial and polarizing topics in the world. I believe that because sex is one of our innate human drives it fuels nearly everything we want and everything we do, individually and as a society.
I’m in tune with my own sexuality, and it shows. My friends and strangers come to me for advice, tips and to vent. I’ve become somewhat of a “relationship expert”. So, I offer this collection of articles, columns, videos and manifestos about the S-word. All brought to you with honesty, candor, and lots of love from my direct, humourously intellectual point of view.
